Here's where you can find me - just in case you were looking.
My book - "The Professional Woman's Guide To Conflict Management: indispensable tips, tools, and techniques for your workplace" (Packet, 2014) can be found at https://www.packtpub.com/business/professional-woman%E2%80%99s-guide-conflict-management and http://www.amazon.com/Professional-Womans-Guide-Conflict-Management/dp/1783000244
My blog posts appear on the Huffington Post at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elinor-robin-phd. And, I have a few on Forbes too - http://www.forbes.com/search/?q=elinor+robin.
Take a look at my website - www.ElinorRobin.com.
Together with my husband, David Spofford, I provide divorcing couples with a one-stop alternative to the traditional (or collaborative) attorney-driven model of divorce. Take a look at our website www.AFriendlyDivorce.com. We are the Gainesville Mediators.
As a faculty member with Mediation Training Network I provide basic and advanced Mediation Training Programs. Take a look at www.MediationTrainingNetwork.com
Finally, I intend to take another group of mediators to Israel for a magical 8-night Ed-venture. This trip will provide Florida Bar CLEs, CMEs for mediators, and CEUs for mental health professionals. If you want to join us please contact me directly.
Hope we see each other soon! Until then, happy trails...
Showing posts with label The Professional Womans Guide To Conflict Management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Professional Womans Guide To Conflict Management. Show all posts
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Awakening Your Conscious Conflict Ownership
“We don’t see things
as they are, we see them as we are.” - Anais Nin
Our conflicts are our best teachers. Few of us grow, change, or learn without conflict. Conscious
Conflict Ownership is the ability to clearly see different aspects of a conflict,
including how you created or co-created the situation, where you are, and where
you could be. Like a mirror, Conscious Conflict Ownership, helps you
see your blind spots and unconscious
patterns. This reflection allows you to
gauge your position and posture, and adjust and improve your standing.
There are four things you can do to increase your Conscious
Conflict Ownership. If you follow these
guidelines you will soon be able to grasp the lessons your conflicts provide
and incorporate those lessons into your life.
1. Take a
Step Back and Reflect. When you step back from
conflict you can see the bigger picture and reflect upon your part in its
creation. Doing this will help you
develop your insight and critical thinking and increase your willingness to be
accountable for your own actions and reactions, rather than blaming others. When you have time and space, try this two-step
exercise:
o
First, write down or otherwise recount the story
of a significant conflict you faced from the perspective of the person on the
other side. Think of this as a role play
exercise: you are an actor, playing the role
of the other person. Imagine what this
person might say about what they saw, heard, or felt. Consider all the factors that this person
lives with. Describe how the stressors
of their life might have impacted them.
Think of ways that they might justify their actions based on their
circumstances.
o
Next, figure out what the two of you have in common. Is there any place that your goals complement
one another? For instance, in the
workplace you may both be perceived as childish or catty if you continue to
fight. If you can put your differences
behind you, both of your reputations will benefit. Knowing that you both want the same thing –
for instance, to look good to the boss – doesn’t mean it’s an either/or. You can both accomplish this goal. Believing there is enough to go around will
enable you to stop fighting for crumbs.
2. Don’t take it personally. In “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom,” Don
Miguel Ruiz, a leader in the conscious awareness community, tells us:
“Don’t take it personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of
their own reality, their own dream. When
you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim
of needless suffering.”
It’s easy to fall into the take-it-personally trap. In reality, everyone is focused on their own
little world. Knowing “it’s not about
me” allows us to accept things as they are, avoid irritation and hurt, and find
a sense of freedom.
3. Be aware of your physiology. Physical sensations and emotions provide important messages. But we have been programmed to ignore
them. The subtle rumblings of feeling
dismissed, discounted, disrespected, disenfranchised, or otherwise devalued can
build-up to the point of no return. However,
when you address these sensations, which are actually part of the fight or
flight survival response in your nervous system, before you are propelled into
explosion, you can avoid conflict drama and come out the winner.
4. Keep moving forward, with heart. Acknowledge your mistakes, make positive
suggestions for the future, follow up when appropriate, and ultimately learn
from (and avoid repeating) your missteps.
When you engage in this forward motion, without harsh self-talk, you
will find yourself open to the lessons that your conflicts can provide.
Yes, aligning your mindset to embrace Conscious Conflict Ownership is no small task. But, it’s worth the work. When you are able to look at an existing
conflict, see your individual contributions to it, and change your position,
attitude, actions, or reactions, you may find that the conflict has gone away
entirely, seemingly on its own.
Ultimately, Conscious Conflict
Ownership will bring you pay-offs that include improved relationships, a
reduction in the amount and intensity of your conflicts, and a better
understanding of yourself and your world.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
The Professional Woman's Guide To Conflict Management
My new book, "The Professional Woman's Guide To Conflict Management" is scheduled to be published and released this summer by Impackt Publishers.
Here is an excerpt from the preface.....
In the
"perfect" workplace everyone gets along. There are no disputes regarding titles,
compensation, schedules, assignments, or environmental conditions. There are no personality conflicts and there
is no sexual harassment. Each worker
takes full responsibility for his or her actions and never attempts to place
blame on another person or an external influence. Do you recognize this place? No?
You are not alone.
For most professional women, the "perfect" workplace doesn’t exist. Instead many of us find ourselves working harder and longer with fewer resources. Isolated from the support of the traditional extended family, we routinely juggle home and work responsibilities. No wonder our offices and organizations often feel like conflict breeding grounds.
As a little girl you were likely told to play nice, share, be polite, and avoid unpleasantness. Actually, even if no one said these things directly, this is the message that most Western cultures transmit to their female children. Additionally, scientists have recently determined that there is an evolutionary “tend and befriend” survival behavior that females (human and some other animals) have adopted in addition to the physiological “fight-or-flight” response we share with men. In light of this “tend and befriend” programming, it’s no surprise that many women see conflict as such a negative struggle.
Looking ahead, as women continue to expand their influence and participation in the workplace it seems clear that issues such as sexual harassment, discrimination, health hazards, the negative stereotyping of a parent’s role in the workplace, and the competing demands of job and family will continue to cause workplace conflicts. Additionally, unresolved and mismanaged conflicts driven by bruised egos, uncontrolled emotions, and mean-spirited behaviors have the potential to negatively impact your bottom line and your professional reputation.
Conflict can indeed be destructive when individual agendas are fulfilled by discrediting the other party (who is now designated as “the enemy"). There is, however, some good news: it is possible to avoid the destructive consequences of workplace conflict! You can, in fact, decode and deescalate the conflicts that are simmering and erupting in your workplace. This book was written to give you a how-to road map.
Ultimately, the knowledge you gain from reading this book will lead to an increased sense of comfort and conscious conflict ownership regarding your workplace disputes. (I define conscious conflict ownership as the ability to look at your conflicts and clearly see how you created or co-created the situation, where you are, and where you could be.) Ultimately, as you increase your conscious conflict ownership you will be able to convey a stronger sense of commitment to the people, projects, and organizations you are connected to. Amazingly, when we are able to embrace and work through everyday conflicts, the end result is usually enhanced productivity and connections. These are conflict’s true gifts.
Instead of using the terms “dispute resolution” or “conflict resolution,” the term “conflict management” is used here intentionally. Many conflicts, especially those where the parties involved have an on-going relationship, cannot be solved or re-solved on a permanent basis. At best, these conflicts can be managed. In this instance “managed” doesn’t mean to control or govern, it means “to care for,” like you manage your investments or “to handle,” as in, “he managed while his wife was out-of-town.”
The role that women play in the workplace is continuing to evolve. Likewise, the strategies that we use to manage our workplace conflicts will need on-going evaluation. After spending the last twenty-five years studying conflict and relationships I am still often amazed by the complexities in our interactions. I am delighted to be able to share my knowledge and philosophy with you.
The first chapter of this book lays out a foundation of conflict knowledge. The subsequent six chapters will help you get the most out of this theoretical understanding by providing you with how-to techniques and strategies that you can put into everyday practice.
For most professional women, the "perfect" workplace doesn’t exist. Instead many of us find ourselves working harder and longer with fewer resources. Isolated from the support of the traditional extended family, we routinely juggle home and work responsibilities. No wonder our offices and organizations often feel like conflict breeding grounds.
As a little girl you were likely told to play nice, share, be polite, and avoid unpleasantness. Actually, even if no one said these things directly, this is the message that most Western cultures transmit to their female children. Additionally, scientists have recently determined that there is an evolutionary “tend and befriend” survival behavior that females (human and some other animals) have adopted in addition to the physiological “fight-or-flight” response we share with men. In light of this “tend and befriend” programming, it’s no surprise that many women see conflict as such a negative struggle.
Looking ahead, as women continue to expand their influence and participation in the workplace it seems clear that issues such as sexual harassment, discrimination, health hazards, the negative stereotyping of a parent’s role in the workplace, and the competing demands of job and family will continue to cause workplace conflicts. Additionally, unresolved and mismanaged conflicts driven by bruised egos, uncontrolled emotions, and mean-spirited behaviors have the potential to negatively impact your bottom line and your professional reputation.
Conflict can indeed be destructive when individual agendas are fulfilled by discrediting the other party (who is now designated as “the enemy"). There is, however, some good news: it is possible to avoid the destructive consequences of workplace conflict! You can, in fact, decode and deescalate the conflicts that are simmering and erupting in your workplace. This book was written to give you a how-to road map.
Ultimately, the knowledge you gain from reading this book will lead to an increased sense of comfort and conscious conflict ownership regarding your workplace disputes. (I define conscious conflict ownership as the ability to look at your conflicts and clearly see how you created or co-created the situation, where you are, and where you could be.) Ultimately, as you increase your conscious conflict ownership you will be able to convey a stronger sense of commitment to the people, projects, and organizations you are connected to. Amazingly, when we are able to embrace and work through everyday conflicts, the end result is usually enhanced productivity and connections. These are conflict’s true gifts.
Instead of using the terms “dispute resolution” or “conflict resolution,” the term “conflict management” is used here intentionally. Many conflicts, especially those where the parties involved have an on-going relationship, cannot be solved or re-solved on a permanent basis. At best, these conflicts can be managed. In this instance “managed” doesn’t mean to control or govern, it means “to care for,” like you manage your investments or “to handle,” as in, “he managed while his wife was out-of-town.”
The role that women play in the workplace is continuing to evolve. Likewise, the strategies that we use to manage our workplace conflicts will need on-going evaluation. After spending the last twenty-five years studying conflict and relationships I am still often amazed by the complexities in our interactions. I am delighted to be able to share my knowledge and philosophy with you.
The first chapter of this book lays out a foundation of conflict knowledge. The subsequent six chapters will help you get the most out of this theoretical understanding by providing you with how-to techniques and strategies that you can put into everyday practice.
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