Do I Need A Lawyer To Get A Divorce?

The question I am asked the most: Do I need a lawyer to get a divorce?

NO!! Hiring an attorney is one way to get to divorce court. But, there are actually three ways to get through the legal process of divorce. Another option is to fill-out and file your paperwork on your own. Or, you and your spouse can hire a mediator who can help you reach an agreement and prepare your paperwork. There is no one-size-fits-all process. Each option should bring you the same result – a divorce. But, each option has its own set of strengths and weaknesses. Here is what you need to know about each option so you can pick the process that is best for you.

Option #1 – Do It Yourself (DIY) Divorce. DIY Divorce is a good option for couples who have few or no assets, low incomes, and no minor children. So if your situation is uncomplicated you may want to fill-out and file the forms you need for your divorce on your own. In Florida all the forms you need are available on-line, for free, at www.flcourts.org. Alternatively, you can buy a form packet at your local courthouse. And, if you still have questions basic assistance is available at the courthouse for a low fee. Finally, if you and your spouse end up with an unresolved issue the Judge will send you to court-annexed mediation so that a mediator can help you reach an agreement.

Option #2a – The Traditional Attorney-driven Divorce. Hiring an attorney is your best option if you need protection from your spouse or if your spouse has already retained a lawyer. If you are unaware of what the marital assets are or how much your spouse earns a divorce attorney can investigate all of these details. Additionally, if you feel intimidated because of domestic violence or coercion, negotiating without a divorce lawyer is a bad idea. You can find a lawyer through your local and state Bar Association’s Lawyer Referral Service. Or ask friends and relatives for referrals. It is wise to choose a lawyer whose practice is focused on divorce related matters. Ultimately, when the lawyers are done with their investigation/discovery and confident they have sufficient knowledge to effectively negotiate, you, your spouse, and your lawyers will go to mediation. Chances are that at the end of a marathon mediation session (up to twelve hours) you and your spouse will have a signed settlement agreement. If however mediation is unsuccessful and no agreement is reached you will go to trial and a Judge will decide what happens to your money and your kids post-divorce.

Option #2b – The Collaborative Attorney-driven Divorce. Another slant on the Attorney-driven Divorce is Collaborative Divorce. Here each spouse hires an individual Collaborative lawyer and agrees up-front to share other experts, such as an accountant, business valuator, or child psychologist. The parties and their attorneys are committed to negotiating, using shared information and the feedback of the chosen experts. The Attorneys may also choose to use Divorce Coaches and/or Mediators. But, if the negotiations are unsuccessful the Collaborative Attorneys will not go to trial. Instead, the couple will have to select new attorneys and start the process over from the beginning. This process works well when all the people involved work well together. On the other hand if one of the parties really doesn’t want to move forward s/he can side-track the process and hold the other spouse – who may not be financially or emotionally able to start the process over with new lawyers – hostage.

Option #3 – ProSe/Pre-suit Mediation. (Pro-se means self-represented or unrepresented – in essence without lawyers and Pre-suit means before a law suit has been filed.) This option involves hiring a mediator, instead of two attorneys before, any documents are filed. Couples that want to save time/money and side-step the negative nature of an attorney-driven divorce but still believe that they need the assistance of a knowledgeable professional often find this option attractive. Mediators that offer Pro-se/Pre-suit mediation are trained to guide divorcing couples towards agreement, an uncontested divorce, and a friendlier future. The mediator can also prepare the necessary court documents and forms. And, before or during the mediation process, which typically happens in two or three sessions over the course of a few weeks, either party can consult with (but not retain) an attorney, CPA, or other expert if s/he feels the need for advice. Alternatively, either party can decide to stop the process and retain an attorney instead. At A Friendly Divorce we provide ProSe/PreSuit Divorce Mediation. And at Friendly Divorce Training we teach other professionals to do the same.

Conclusion

The DIY Divorce can get you where you want to go, just like public transportation (the bus) can get you from one place to another. But the process may be slow and crowded so it works best if you don’t have too much baggage. Hiring a lawyer for a Traditional Attorney-driven divorce is like hiring a taxi or limo to get you where you want to go. You will get there but someone else will be choosing the route. That’s OK if you feel you need or want an individual "guide." It will not be good if you disagree with your “driver’s” plan or you believe that the driver is running up the meter. Hiring a lawyer for a Collaborative divorce is like renting a 15-person van: everyone is in there together, taking turns behind the wheel. Because everyone is riding together a lot of scheduling may be necessary. But if you have the right team, which includes you and your soon-to-be Ex, everyone is heading in the same direction. Choosing ProSe/PreSuit Mediation is like renting a car – you are given a vehicle that you and your spouse navigate and drive. Along the way you must agree on what route to take and how fast to go. If you get lost you can stop and ask for additional (or individual) directions or you can ditch the car and call separate cabs.

Email Communique

Greetings!

Sometimes it seems to me that the world is changing so fast it's impossible to keep up with the pace. Ten years ago there was no social media. Today, technology allows each of us to create a global network. But, for those of us who are immigrants in the digital world, it's often a stretch to stay current. The following was my most recent attempt at staying connected with the 5000 people - most of them former mediation students - that are on my email list.

The Evolution of Divorce

I believe the family law arena is ripe for a revolution. Ten years from now lawyer-driven divorces will be the exception not the rule. Financial shifts and technological advances have sped up the evolutionary process. There is a need for professionals who are able to usher couples through the divorce process using a more humane approach. So, in addition to my work with Susan and Mediation Training Group, I have put together a new training program for professionals who want to launch their practices into the ProSe/PreSuit market and serve couples who want to divorce without retaining attorneys.

Friendly Divorce Mediation Training

If you (or someone you know) is ready to take your career in a different direction and interested in offering a unique service to families in transition then visit Friendly Divorce Training We are offering 16-hour training programs in

Boca Raton on July 8-10, 2011
Las Vegas on Sept 2-4, 2011 and,
Atlanta on Dec 2-4, 2011

This is a rare opportunity for professionals who want to launch ProSe/PreSuit divorce mediation practices. David and I will share everything we have learned about this emerging market and give you the foundation you need to build your own business. The program is approved for 15.50 hours of CLER by the Florida Bar and will also provide 16 hours of CME for Mediators.

Random Thoughts

I am interested in any feedback you have on this blog. And, I am especially curious about your thoughts on these three topics:

The reality of aging. Sadly, a Betty White old age may not be an option for most of us. What can we do now to better prepare for the future?

The state of the union. During one of my recent rants, a friend of mine - a historian - commented that "the more things change, the more they stay the same - after all, the early settlers were a mix of gluttonous pillagers and exploited religious extremists." What can each of us do today to be part of the force that moves the country in a better direction?

The immigration debate. No matter what your opinion on the immigration debate I think we can all agree that we need some form of immigration reform. I believe that the mediation process just might be a key component to finding a plan that works for all of us. What do you think?

Often - With Time - The Worst Thing Is Also The Best Thing

The worst thing about divorce is it forces us to look at ourselves and our lives.  The best thing about divorce is it forces us to look at ourselves and our lives.  Read what else I have to say at http://www.afriendlydivorce.com/uncategorized/alimony-question/

Hmm.... Where Am I?

Wow. Its been almost three months since I posted anything on this blog. Could it be that I have nothing to say? Those of you who know me know that that is highly unlikely.

There are so many avenues for expression these days I often dont know where to go first. A few months ago I stated using Facebook. Its a great medium in that it provides a pictorial component to go along with the written words. Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever reads this blog. But, with Facebook I know that someone is reading - their responses are almost immediate. So please, if you have not done so already, connect to me on Facebook and/or Twitter.

Things have been hectic. On a personal note, this summer was a busy and joyful time. My daughter completed her training at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center. While she was there - for four months - we babysat for our granddogs, making us a four dog household. And, both my son and my niece got married within a two week span of time. As part of the festivities I traveled to New York four times and hosted two local bridal showers. And when the weddings were all done David and I went to Las Vegas for an amazing birthday party for my sister Michele.

Professionally, I have become interested in the work of legal futurist Richard Susskind (The End of Lawyers? Oxford, 2008). Susskind asserts that “the legal system is on the brink of a fundamental transformation.” In my mind, the family law arena is ripe for a revolution, or at least a makeover. The public seems eager to move away from the traditional/attorney-driven model of divorce, towards a more humane and family-friendly approach. And, the new economy is accelerating the shift. We continue to be very busy at A Friendly Divorce. But, there is a limit to how many couples David and I can personally usher through the transition of divorce. So, we are venturing out to teach other professionals our system. We are now assembling a small group of Florida mediators to learn our process and help move us closer to a national training program. Please contact me if you want to learn more about how we help families conserve their resources and minimize heartache during one of the most difficult times any family can face.