Ouch. As if living through a pandemic were not enough, many of you will also be hit with a divorce this year. In fact the current situation might be considered a divorce stimulant. Here's why:
- The virus and the lock-down have forced many people to face themselves and their relationships without the normal day-to-day distractions. For many, this dose of reality shed light into some dark nooks and crannies. And, now its difficult to go back to make-believe. Instead its time to clean up, once and for all.
- Many of us, who knew divorce was inevitable, were just too busy to do anything about it. Now, suddenly, we have the time to deal with the paperwork and the logistics. Some people are spending the lock-down cleaning out closets and learning a foreign language. Others are finally getting on with their divorce.
- For many, the pandemic amplified the inequality of a couple's contributions. If you were already operating with an imbalance, the current situation may be enough to push the more contributory - and resentful - spouse over the edge.
- When one spouse fears for his/her health (or the health of the children) and the other spouse comes across as cavalier, the frightened spouse feels devalued and betrayed. The key to a successful marriage is providing each partner with a sense of safety and the impression that s/he is appreciated and valued. When the relationship no longer provides this, things start to crumble. This dynamic is epitomized by spouses who act-out their differences regarding COVID safety.
- Sudden or significant losses or lifestyle-changes can become marriage-killers. For example - the death of a child, on-going care for a special-needs child, a major work shift, and unemployment all increase the likelihood of divorce. For many, the pandemic has triggered a sense of loss, actual losses, and significant life-style changes.
Can you think of another reason who this pandemic is a marriage killer? I am very interested in your feedback.
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