Monday, June 7, 2010

Family Estrangement

As a family mediator the topic of family estrangement has been an area of special interest for me for many years. If you are facing a family estrangement here are the five things you should know:

1. When the estrangement is between a parent and an adult child, unless the child sees it otherwise, the parent must take responsibility and be willing to apologize for perceived or real hurts.

2. When a family member chooses estrangement they are giving a loud message that something is not right. This is their way of communicating that they feel dismissed, discounted, or disrespected. If you don't know why a family member has cut off contact it is likely related to something done or said which triggered a feeling of dismissed, discounted, or disrespected.

3. A cooling-off period is often critical before any dialogue can begin. Be patient, and keep the lines of communication open. Even if the person on the other side wont talk you can still keep the channels open by sending periodic messages of support. Keep the message simple - "I will always love you and I will be there whenever you are ready." Avoid reacting negatively if the person on the other side needs more time.

4. Apologies have magical and cleansing properties. Think the apology through before you start or you may end up in the wrong place. http://elinorrobin.com/apologies-magical-cleansing-healing-and-the-time-is-now/

5. Follow my 10-step plan for ending feuds and rebuilding connections. http://ezinearticles.com/?The-10-Step-Plan-For-Ending-Feuds-and-Fights-and-Re-Building-Connection&id=3468153.

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