Emotion and the Dance of Connection

Recent research in Emotionally Focused Therapy: The best predictor of marital success is the female partner's faith in the male partner's caring. The best predictor of the female partner having an affair is her lack of faith in her partner's caring.

I recently attended a seminar on Emotionally Focused Therapy.  Michael Barnett was the speaker.  I was really impressed with his wisdom.  According to Michael:

1.  93% of communication is non-verbal and emotional.  So, what is emotion?  "Emotion is information, not something to purge, cathart, or work through. Research has shown that emotional information precedes linguistic information.  It is the fundamental meaning system that has neurological primacy. We feel before we think."  

2.  We can regulate intense distress through connection.  And, couples can regulate each others physiology and immune responses.  

3.  Adult attachment is reciprocal.  A partner makes "a bid" for connection.  The couples that accept each others bids make it.  The couples who turn away or reject each others bids fail.   

4.  When humans get angry they don't feel hurt, rejected, lonely, abandoned.  So, anger is often used to regulate these other, more painful, emotions.

5.  How would you define emotional maturity?  (Google it.)