Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Association of Norh Central Florida Mediators
My friends Linda Chapman, Martha Johnston, and I are contemplating starting a monthly luncheon group - loosely modeled after the Association of South Florida Mediators and Arbitrators - for local mediators in and around Gainesville. We'd call it the Association of North Central Florida Mediators (or something like that). Our kick-off meeting is scheduled for Tuesday July 12 at noon at the Northwest Grille in Gainesville. Can you make it?
Sunday, June 12, 2011
How I got here. Where I'm going. And more stories.
Twenty-two years ago, in 1989, I received a gift that changed my life. I was allowed to participate in a mediation training program that was offered by Leslie Ratliff, who was then the Director of Palm Beach County's Court Mediation Program. (Thank you Leslie.) At the time, I was in my mid 30s, a single parent who had recently returned to college to get a degree and figure out what my next (career) step should be. Except for me, all of the trainees were already doing some mediation as volunteers in the Palm Beach County small claims court program. All of the other 29 trainees were at least twenty years older then I was. Twenty eight of them were men - old white guys I like to call them - retired lawyers and businessmen - who needed something to do besides play golf. One was a woman - I'll call her Elaine. (She asked that I not include her real name here.)
Elaine has children who are about as old as I am and so we've always been at different phases of life. But, we live in the same city, share a strong commitment to the process and practice of mediation, and our paths have crossed many times. Clearly, we are members of each others professional circles. Elaine is old enough to be my mother but you would never know that by looking at her. And, I am not just talking about her physical features. She is the epitome of well-grooming; possessing the energy and style of a much younger woman.
Recently I sent out one of my "quarterly" newsletters. In the Random Thoughts section I wrote:
The reality of aging. Sadly, a Betty White old age may not be an option for most of us. What can we do now to better prepare for the future?
Here is what Elaine wrote me in response:
In a message dated 6/10/2011 3:41:39 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, NotReallyElaine@gmail.com writes:
Dear Elinor
Up until now I have not had any reason to respond to your informative Emails, but you hit me right where I should be, AGING. Believe it or not I am joining the Octogenarian membership and as you know, as active as I have been, I am truly in the Betty White category.
For your members and info, nothing gets you there except you. Doing what you can to help become you is totally up to the YOU.
For the past 20 plus years, I never cared how old I was or going to be. I just did what was necessary to be a successful part of society and added to my life work, in my case mediation, new and more educational programs. When one finds reasons to do whatever it takes to help others, truly their life has much more meaning. I feel I am rambling on but that comes with age and aging.
Until now, whenever someone questioned my age, I never let it out, I hear OH you look wonderful etc. But my purpose in writing this is to tell you, my friend how good I feel about what I have done and continue doing not how I look. Life has much to offer those who take advantage of it and I am there.
Keep in touch as I know you will.
Luv Elaine
Here is my response to her:
Yes, you are in the Betty White category. Well, you look better than she does. But, you have her energy and spirit. For the rest of us, a Betty White future is probably not in the cards. Look around at your friends. How many other women in your age range look/act like you? None. While your girlfriends were otherwise preoccupied (shopping?) you were the only woman in the old white guys mediator fraternity. So in more ways then one you are the exception to the rule.
Should we (the generation after yours) make believe we will all be 80 and running around like you? I dont know if this denial is a good thing. Would it be better, instead, to stop making believe, start planning, and face the fact that we will be decrepit for an extended period? Well, until I figure this out I am going to do what you said, shut-up and keep working.
Happy Trails, Love, Elinor
Elaine has children who are about as old as I am and so we've always been at different phases of life. But, we live in the same city, share a strong commitment to the process and practice of mediation, and our paths have crossed many times. Clearly, we are members of each others professional circles. Elaine is old enough to be my mother but you would never know that by looking at her. And, I am not just talking about her physical features. She is the epitome of well-grooming; possessing the energy and style of a much younger woman.
Recently I sent out one of my "quarterly" newsletters. In the Random Thoughts section I wrote:
The reality of aging. Sadly, a Betty White old age may not be an option for most of us. What can we do now to better prepare for the future?
Here is what Elaine wrote me in response:
In a message dated 6/10/2011 3:41:39 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, NotReallyElaine@gmail.com writes:
Dear Elinor
Up until now I have not had any reason to respond to your informative Emails, but you hit me right where I should be, AGING. Believe it or not I am joining the Octogenarian membership and as you know, as active as I have been, I am truly in the Betty White category.
For your members and info, nothing gets you there except you. Doing what you can to help become you is totally up to the YOU.
For the past 20 plus years, I never cared how old I was or going to be. I just did what was necessary to be a successful part of society and added to my life work, in my case mediation, new and more educational programs. When one finds reasons to do whatever it takes to help others, truly their life has much more meaning. I feel I am rambling on but that comes with age and aging.
Until now, whenever someone questioned my age, I never let it out, I hear OH you look wonderful etc. But my purpose in writing this is to tell you, my friend how good I feel about what I have done and continue doing not how I look. Life has much to offer those who take advantage of it and I am there.
Keep in touch as I know you will.
Luv Elaine
Here is my response to her:
Yes, you are in the Betty White category. Well, you look better than she does. But, you have her energy and spirit. For the rest of us, a Betty White future is probably not in the cards. Look around at your friends. How many other women in your age range look/act like you? None. While your girlfriends were otherwise preoccupied (shopping?) you were the only woman in the old white guys mediator fraternity. So in more ways then one you are the exception to the rule.
Should we (the generation after yours) make believe we will all be 80 and running around like you? I dont know if this denial is a good thing. Would it be better, instead, to stop making believe, start planning, and face the fact that we will be decrepit for an extended period? Well, until I figure this out I am going to do what you said, shut-up and keep working.
Happy Trails, Love, Elinor
Friday, June 10, 2011
Intro Redux
I am a mediator and mediation trainer based in Florida. As part of Mediation Training Group I teach Florida Supreme Court Certified Civil and Family mediation training programs and Continuing Mediator Education. My own mediation practice is focused on ProSe/PreSuit divorce. (Cases where the divorcing couple goes through the process without retaining attorneys. They may consult with attorneys but they do not hire attorneys.) I am now teaching other mediators our unique marketing and practice methods. If you want to launch or expand your own divorce mediation practice within this emerging market niche take a look at www.FriendlyDivorceTraining.com. This training program is available in streaming video format at Mediate.com. Let me know if you have any questions.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Email Communique
Greetings!
Sometimes it seems to me that the world is changing so fast it's impossible to keep up with the pace. Ten years ago there was no social media. Today, technology allows each of us to create a global network. But, for those of us who are immigrants in the digital world, it's often a stretch to stay current. The following was my most recent attempt at staying connected with the 5000 people - most of them former mediation students - that are on my email list.
The Evolution of Divorce
I believe the family law arena is ripe for a revolution. Ten years from now lawyer-driven divorces will be the exception not the rule. Financial shifts and technological advances have sped up the evolutionary process. There is a need for professionals who are able to usher couples through the divorce process using a more humane approach. So, in addition to my work with Susan and Mediation Training Group, I have put together a new training program for professionals who want to launch their practices into the ProSe/PreSuit market and serve couples who want to divorce without retaining attorneys.
Friendly Divorce Mediation Training
If you (or someone you know) is ready to take your career in a different direction and interested in offering a unique service to families in transition then visit Friendly Divorce Training We are offering 16-hour training programs in
Boca Raton on July 8-10, 2011
Las Vegas on Sept 2-4, 2011 and,
Atlanta on Dec 2-4, 2011
This is a rare opportunity for professionals who want to launch ProSe/PreSuit divorce mediation practices. David and I will share everything we have learned about this emerging market and give you the foundation you need to build your own business. The program is approved for 15.50 hours of CLER by the Florida Bar and will also provide 16 hours of CME for Mediators.
Random Thoughts
I am interested in any feedback you have on this blog. And, I am especially curious about your thoughts on these three topics:
The reality of aging. Sadly, a Betty White old age may not be an option for most of us. What can we do now to better prepare for the future?
The state of the union. During one of my recent rants, a friend of mine - a historian - commented that "the more things change, the more they stay the same - after all, the early settlers were a mix of gluttonous pillagers and exploited religious extremists." What can each of us do today to be part of the force that moves the country in a better direction?
The immigration debate. No matter what your opinion on the immigration debate I think we can all agree that we need some form of immigration reform. I believe that the mediation process just might be a key component to finding a plan that works for all of us. What do you think?
Sometimes it seems to me that the world is changing so fast it's impossible to keep up with the pace. Ten years ago there was no social media. Today, technology allows each of us to create a global network. But, for those of us who are immigrants in the digital world, it's often a stretch to stay current. The following was my most recent attempt at staying connected with the 5000 people - most of them former mediation students - that are on my email list.
The Evolution of Divorce
I believe the family law arena is ripe for a revolution. Ten years from now lawyer-driven divorces will be the exception not the rule. Financial shifts and technological advances have sped up the evolutionary process. There is a need for professionals who are able to usher couples through the divorce process using a more humane approach. So, in addition to my work with Susan and Mediation Training Group, I have put together a new training program for professionals who want to launch their practices into the ProSe/PreSuit market and serve couples who want to divorce without retaining attorneys.
Friendly Divorce Mediation Training
If you (or someone you know) is ready to take your career in a different direction and interested in offering a unique service to families in transition then visit Friendly Divorce Training We are offering 16-hour training programs in
Boca Raton on July 8-10, 2011
Las Vegas on Sept 2-4, 2011 and,
Atlanta on Dec 2-4, 2011
This is a rare opportunity for professionals who want to launch ProSe/PreSuit divorce mediation practices. David and I will share everything we have learned about this emerging market and give you the foundation you need to build your own business. The program is approved for 15.50 hours of CLER by the Florida Bar and will also provide 16 hours of CME for Mediators.
Random Thoughts
I am interested in any feedback you have on this blog. And, I am especially curious about your thoughts on these three topics:
The reality of aging. Sadly, a Betty White old age may not be an option for most of us. What can we do now to better prepare for the future?
The state of the union. During one of my recent rants, a friend of mine - a historian - commented that "the more things change, the more they stay the same - after all, the early settlers were a mix of gluttonous pillagers and exploited religious extremists." What can each of us do today to be part of the force that moves the country in a better direction?
The immigration debate. No matter what your opinion on the immigration debate I think we can all agree that we need some form of immigration reform. I believe that the mediation process just might be a key component to finding a plan that works for all of us. What do you think?
Reigniting
Holy Moley. Its exactly one year - to the day, since I last blogged on this site. Life is hectic and moves fast. I know that a lot has changed since last year but I cannot list those changes off the top of my head - they just whirl by. Today David told me he's noticed that I spend a lot of time responding to emails. He is correct. And, with time moving so fast and so much to do it seems a waste to spend that kind of time without reaching the largest audience. So this blog is being reignited and will be used for recording writings that would otherwise be lost. Here goes. Find a conversation I had with a local lawyer about the differences between Collaborative Law and our Friendly Divorce process at http://www.afriendlydivorce.com/uncategorized/one-size-fits-all-divorce/
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Changes To FL Almony & Child Support Statutes
Significant upcoming changes to the Florida statutes regarding alimony and child support.
http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Documents/loaddoc.aspx?FileName=_h0907er.docx&DocumentType=Bill&BillNumber=0907&Session=2010
http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Documents/loaddoc.aspx?FileName=_h0907er.docx&DocumentType=Bill&BillNumber=0907&Session=2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Family Estrangement
As a family mediator the topic of family estrangement has been an area of special interest for me for many years. If you are facing a family estrangement here are the five things you should know:
1. When the estrangement is between a parent and an adult child, unless the child sees it otherwise, the parent must take responsibility and be willing to apologize for perceived or real hurts.
2. When a family member chooses estrangement they are giving a loud message that something is not right. This is their way of communicating that they feel dismissed, discounted, or disrespected. If you don't know why a family member has cut off contact it is likely related to something done or said which triggered a feeling of dismissed, discounted, or disrespected.
3. A cooling-off period is often critical before any dialogue can begin. Be patient, and keep the lines of communication open. Even if the person on the other side wont talk you can still keep the channels open by sending periodic messages of support. Keep the message simple - "I will always love you and I will be there whenever you are ready." Avoid reacting negatively if the person on the other side needs more time.
4. Apologies have magical and cleansing properties. Think the apology through before you start or you may end up in the wrong place. http://elinorrobin.com/apologies-magical-cleansing-healing-and-the-time-is-now/
5. Follow my 10-step plan for ending feuds and rebuilding connections. http://ezinearticles.com/?The-10-Step-Plan-For-Ending-Feuds-and-Fights-and-Re-Building-Connection&id=3468153.
1. When the estrangement is between a parent and an adult child, unless the child sees it otherwise, the parent must take responsibility and be willing to apologize for perceived or real hurts.
2. When a family member chooses estrangement they are giving a loud message that something is not right. This is their way of communicating that they feel dismissed, discounted, or disrespected. If you don't know why a family member has cut off contact it is likely related to something done or said which triggered a feeling of dismissed, discounted, or disrespected.
3. A cooling-off period is often critical before any dialogue can begin. Be patient, and keep the lines of communication open. Even if the person on the other side wont talk you can still keep the channels open by sending periodic messages of support. Keep the message simple - "I will always love you and I will be there whenever you are ready." Avoid reacting negatively if the person on the other side needs more time.
4. Apologies have magical and cleansing properties. Think the apology through before you start or you may end up in the wrong place. http://elinorrobin.com/apologies-magical-cleansing-healing-and-the-time-is-now/
5. Follow my 10-step plan for ending feuds and rebuilding connections. http://ezinearticles.com/?The-10-Step-Plan-For-Ending-Feuds-and-Fights-and-Re-Building-Connection&id=3468153.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)