TMZ is reporting that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are locked in a battle over what to call the end of their marriage. Is it a divorce or an annulment? In the end, it really doesn't matter so how do we explain this seeming silliness? Read http://www.afriendlydivorce.com/uncategorized/kim-kris-and-the-fight/ and learn the five functions that a divorce fight serves.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Real Mediator Questions
Hi Elinor
Something has come up recently in some seminars I've been to. At least twice, someone tried to make the point that it is actually sometimes an advantage to have a mediator who is not certified, because a non-certified mediator can give you his/her direct evaluation of the case, while a certified mediator cannot. Just wondered what your response was.
Thanks, Ms Commercial Mediator
----------
Dear Ms Mediator,
Someone made that up. Its a marketing tactic that is misleading.
No "mediator" should be giving a direct evaluation of a case. Every mediator can give their opinion on the range that a case is likely to fall into. (Make that range broad). If the parties want a direct evaluation of a case they don't want mediation, they want a process called Neutral Evaluation. (We talk about this on Day 1 of each of our training programs in the Conflict Management Continuum section.) You can provide Neutral Evaluation - and give the parties your direct evaluation of their case - but not as a part of the mediation process. If mediation ends in impasse you can change hats, go into Neutral Evaluator mode, and give them your opinion.
In my opinion it is unwise to mediate, in Florida, without being Certified. You have no judicial immunity if the case is not court ordered. And, you leave yourself open to legal malpractice issues because it will not be difficult to make the connection between being an "un-certified" mediator who is sitting there giving a legal opinion and the practice of law.
Best, Elinor
------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Elinor,
I am interested in your opinion on this hypothetical situation. In a family mediation, in separate session, the husband tells you he has hidden money. Is this considered fraud which is a crime and would not then be considered as privileged/confidential? Must a mediator disclose this to the other party? Or, should the mediator simply terminate the mediation?
Thank you, Elinor! Your opinion means a lot! Mr Divorce Mediator
---------
Mr D,
Hiding money from your wife is not a crime. So this is something we could NOT report to the police (or anyone else). The issue is misrepresentation. If the husband is misrepresenting his financial situation, the mediator cannot perpetuate the misrepresentation. So the mediator would have to either (a) convince the husband to come clean or (b) terminate the mediation. BUT, the mediator could NOT disclose to the wife or anyone else that the husband has hidden funds.
Best, Elinor
Something has come up recently in some seminars I've been to. At least twice, someone tried to make the point that it is actually sometimes an advantage to have a mediator who is not certified, because a non-certified mediator can give you his/her direct evaluation of the case, while a certified mediator cannot. Just wondered what your response was.
Thanks, Ms Commercial Mediator
----------
Dear Ms Mediator,
Someone made that up. Its a marketing tactic that is misleading.
No "mediator" should be giving a direct evaluation of a case. Every mediator can give their opinion on the range that a case is likely to fall into. (Make that range broad). If the parties want a direct evaluation of a case they don't want mediation, they want a process called Neutral Evaluation. (We talk about this on Day 1 of each of our training programs in the Conflict Management Continuum section.) You can provide Neutral Evaluation - and give the parties your direct evaluation of their case - but not as a part of the mediation process. If mediation ends in impasse you can change hats, go into Neutral Evaluator mode, and give them your opinion.
In my opinion it is unwise to mediate, in Florida, without being Certified. You have no judicial immunity if the case is not court ordered. And, you leave yourself open to legal malpractice issues because it will not be difficult to make the connection between being an "un-certified" mediator who is sitting there giving a legal opinion and the practice of law.
Best, Elinor
------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Elinor,
I am interested in your opinion on this hypothetical situation. In a family mediation, in separate session, the husband tells you he has hidden money. Is this considered fraud which is a crime and would not then be considered as privileged/confidential? Must a mediator disclose this to the other party? Or, should the mediator simply terminate the mediation?
Thank you, Elinor! Your opinion means a lot! Mr Divorce Mediator
---------
Mr D,
Hiding money from your wife is not a crime. So this is something we could NOT report to the police (or anyone else). The issue is misrepresentation. If the husband is misrepresenting his financial situation, the mediator cannot perpetuate the misrepresentation. So the mediator would have to either (a) convince the husband to come clean or (b) terminate the mediation. BUT, the mediator could NOT disclose to the wife or anyone else that the husband has hidden funds.
Best, Elinor
Friday, January 27, 2012
Parenting Question
Dear Dr. Robin:
So I let my 10 year old daughter Kayla out of my sight tonight, which is very hard for me, to go to the State Fair (45 minutes away) with her girlfriend and her parents. They swear they'll be home by 9:30. They are not home at 10, I call the friends house and the mom answers. She didn't go, and is in tears worried that something happened. She tells me her husband took them and didn't bring the cell! WTH! First off I would have never let her go if I had know the mom wasn't going and to top it off, no cell phone? My husband just went off on the mom. At 10:15 my daughter walks in. We went off on her too but it's not her fault. Aside from getting her a cell phone - what should we do???
Kayla's Mom
My response
Dear Mom,
This is a two-parter. First part is the anxiety of a parent. What can we do with the fear and out-of-control feeling that makes us act out like lunatics sometimes? Focus your breathe, pray, meditate, reach out to others, journal, take some action, etc. Being a parent is scary, we have to find the delicate balance between letting go and protecting.
The second part is the friend's family. In the words of branding expert Kellie Kuecha "How you show up here, you show up everywhere." This is part of the father's "brand," its how he shows up in life. Any of us could forget our cell phone but if I did I wouldn't be almost an hour late. Considerate is not a part of his brand. He has proven (IMHO) to be irresponsible, passive-aggressive, or both. And, clearly the mother cannot be counted on to counteract his tendencies.
What happened yesterday doesn't really matter now (its done) so lets change the focus to the future. Its up to you to set the boundary. I would discuss it with Kayla. Tell her your concerns and see what she says. Maybe the rule should be that she can go to their house but not leave with them so if there is a change in plans she calls you to pick her up. Whatever you two decide is OK but at this point I believe that in order to get her to follow the rules she has to co-create them. Remember, in this case, she is not to blame. Make that clear to her, she was not the driver last night. That's why its important to make good choices about who we get in the car with. And, let her know that there will be many more decisions that the two of you will have to negotiate together as you spend the next 10 years finding the delicate balance between letting go - so she can become her own wise woman - and protecting her while she learns how.
Happy trails, Elinor
So I let my 10 year old daughter Kayla out of my sight tonight, which is very hard for me, to go to the State Fair (45 minutes away) with her girlfriend and her parents. They swear they'll be home by 9:30. They are not home at 10, I call the friends house and the mom answers. She didn't go, and is in tears worried that something happened. She tells me her husband took them and didn't bring the cell! WTH! First off I would have never let her go if I had know the mom wasn't going and to top it off, no cell phone? My husband just went off on the mom. At 10:15 my daughter walks in. We went off on her too but it's not her fault. Aside from getting her a cell phone - what should we do???
Kayla's Mom
My response
Dear Mom,
This is a two-parter. First part is the anxiety of a parent. What can we do with the fear and out-of-control feeling that makes us act out like lunatics sometimes? Focus your breathe, pray, meditate, reach out to others, journal, take some action, etc. Being a parent is scary, we have to find the delicate balance between letting go and protecting.
The second part is the friend's family. In the words of branding expert Kellie Kuecha "How you show up here, you show up everywhere." This is part of the father's "brand," its how he shows up in life. Any of us could forget our cell phone but if I did I wouldn't be almost an hour late. Considerate is not a part of his brand. He has proven (IMHO) to be irresponsible, passive-aggressive, or both. And, clearly the mother cannot be counted on to counteract his tendencies.
What happened yesterday doesn't really matter now (its done) so lets change the focus to the future. Its up to you to set the boundary. I would discuss it with Kayla. Tell her your concerns and see what she says. Maybe the rule should be that she can go to their house but not leave with them so if there is a change in plans she calls you to pick her up. Whatever you two decide is OK but at this point I believe that in order to get her to follow the rules she has to co-create them. Remember, in this case, she is not to blame. Make that clear to her, she was not the driver last night. That's why its important to make good choices about who we get in the car with. And, let her know that there will be many more decisions that the two of you will have to negotiate together as you spend the next 10 years finding the delicate balance between letting go - so she can become her own wise woman - and protecting her while she learns how.
Happy trails, Elinor
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Universal Laws
There are some things (like sports) that I know nothing about. But I am wise in the ways that patterns and themes are woven into the tapestry of life. Even as a child I paid close attention to the causes and effects of life choices and events. There is still more to learn and I am propelled to keep going. In the meantime, here is my take on the Universal Laws which govern us all. When I run my life on these principles things go a lot smoother.
1. No one has a crystal ball. Well, maybe someone does but it doesn’t work. So we never know what life will bring. The only guarantee is change.
2. Even though you don’t know what will happen (man plans and God laughs) it’s a really good idea to prepare for the next phase of life now.
3. A man’s character seals his fate.
4. My greatest strength is my greatest weakness. And, so is yours.
5. The worst thing that happens is often the best thing. But, most of us cannot see it in the moment.
6. Stay away from crazies and people who are pushed to the edge. They are usually living in survival mode. And, someone in survival mode cannot be trusted to act rationally.
7. Seek to serve the greater good – within reason.
8. Nurture your tribe. Human beings are tribal. Ultimately your tribe is the most important thing you have.
9. Life is an unfolding. Everything is temporary. The good, the bad, it’s all temporary. So enjoy the good while you have it and know that the bad will pass soon enough.
10. Human beings soothe in pairs so its important to have a primary relationship. But, it’s better to have no partner than the wrong partner because you are still free to seek out the comfort of another.
11. Nothing changes. Everything changes. An elm tree will never be an oak tree. But, depending on the nourishment it receives, an elm tree will either grow and evolve or wither and die. Every year it looks different, but it’s still an elm tree. People are the same way.
12. There is no emotion attached to an intuitive message. Listen to your intuition. No one ever says I trusted my inner knowing and it was wrong. But, they do say I didn’t trust my intuition and I could kick myself now.
13. Men and women are different animals. Culturally, physically, and psychologically we are different. Learn all you can about connecting to the other species; we have to share the planet together.
14. Under every human conflict someone feels dismissed, discounted, disenfranchised, or disrespected. When you are embroiled in conflict, figure out what you did to give someone else the impression that you have devalued them. And, then try to explain your perspective.
15. Secret deals don’t work. Deals that live in your head, instead of being voiced and agreed upon, only set you up for disappointment.
16. There is a strong connection between the mind, body, and spirit. Pay attention to all three. Your body is the temple for your soul. And, your home is the temple for your body. Treat them accordingly.
17. Life stretches ahead of us – and we meander along the path. And then, one day, we wake up and realize there is much more behind us than there is in front of us. And, that sucks. But, again, that is the way IT is.
18. Honor yourself. You are all you have. If you don’t like the way something is going, change it. That means you make a plan and take the necessary actions.
19. Timing is everything. But, I have no way to make sure you (or I) get it right. Ask for guidance through prayer or otherwise, then shut up and listen.
20. Money means very little. Just live like there is enough money for what you want and need and there will be.
21. Sometimes just say goodbye. Sometimes stay and work it out. When emotion gets involved it’s often difficult to know which is which. Pray, then shut-up and listen.
22. Some things are simply unknown. For instance, no one really knows what happens when we die. That’s OK because we really don’t need to know everything. There are mysteries. That’s just the way IT is. (On the other hand, if you feel that you need to have an answer because the unknown causes you anxiety that’s OK too. You can choose any of the myths that are out there in the current pool.)
23. Every path can lead you to the answer and every path can take you away from the answer.
24. Things I can do and see for others, I often cannot do and see for myself. And, others can see and do things for and about me that I cannot do on my own. So, it’s wise to surround oneself with wise people; they bring clarity and a reality test. But, everyone – even those who are not so wise - has something to teach me. And, no one can have too many friends.
25. Life is full of give and take. My world revolves around me. Your world revolves around you. So, if I want something from you, I better figure out what’s in it for you. Altruism is rare, if it exists at all. Want something? Figure out what can you give in trade. But, good living is not about a balance sheet. It requires giving as an investment that may or may not pay dividends latter on.
This list is a work in progress. Like me.
God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
Happy trails, Elinor
1. No one has a crystal ball. Well, maybe someone does but it doesn’t work. So we never know what life will bring. The only guarantee is change.
2. Even though you don’t know what will happen (man plans and God laughs) it’s a really good idea to prepare for the next phase of life now.
3. A man’s character seals his fate.
4. My greatest strength is my greatest weakness. And, so is yours.
5. The worst thing that happens is often the best thing. But, most of us cannot see it in the moment.
6. Stay away from crazies and people who are pushed to the edge. They are usually living in survival mode. And, someone in survival mode cannot be trusted to act rationally.
7. Seek to serve the greater good – within reason.
8. Nurture your tribe. Human beings are tribal. Ultimately your tribe is the most important thing you have.
9. Life is an unfolding. Everything is temporary. The good, the bad, it’s all temporary. So enjoy the good while you have it and know that the bad will pass soon enough.
10. Human beings soothe in pairs so its important to have a primary relationship. But, it’s better to have no partner than the wrong partner because you are still free to seek out the comfort of another.
11. Nothing changes. Everything changes. An elm tree will never be an oak tree. But, depending on the nourishment it receives, an elm tree will either grow and evolve or wither and die. Every year it looks different, but it’s still an elm tree. People are the same way.
12. There is no emotion attached to an intuitive message. Listen to your intuition. No one ever says I trusted my inner knowing and it was wrong. But, they do say I didn’t trust my intuition and I could kick myself now.
13. Men and women are different animals. Culturally, physically, and psychologically we are different. Learn all you can about connecting to the other species; we have to share the planet together.
14. Under every human conflict someone feels dismissed, discounted, disenfranchised, or disrespected. When you are embroiled in conflict, figure out what you did to give someone else the impression that you have devalued them. And, then try to explain your perspective.
15. Secret deals don’t work. Deals that live in your head, instead of being voiced and agreed upon, only set you up for disappointment.
16. There is a strong connection between the mind, body, and spirit. Pay attention to all three. Your body is the temple for your soul. And, your home is the temple for your body. Treat them accordingly.
17. Life stretches ahead of us – and we meander along the path. And then, one day, we wake up and realize there is much more behind us than there is in front of us. And, that sucks. But, again, that is the way IT is.
18. Honor yourself. You are all you have. If you don’t like the way something is going, change it. That means you make a plan and take the necessary actions.
19. Timing is everything. But, I have no way to make sure you (or I) get it right. Ask for guidance through prayer or otherwise, then shut up and listen.
20. Money means very little. Just live like there is enough money for what you want and need and there will be.
21. Sometimes just say goodbye. Sometimes stay and work it out. When emotion gets involved it’s often difficult to know which is which. Pray, then shut-up and listen.
22. Some things are simply unknown. For instance, no one really knows what happens when we die. That’s OK because we really don’t need to know everything. There are mysteries. That’s just the way IT is. (On the other hand, if you feel that you need to have an answer because the unknown causes you anxiety that’s OK too. You can choose any of the myths that are out there in the current pool.)
23. Every path can lead you to the answer and every path can take you away from the answer.
24. Things I can do and see for others, I often cannot do and see for myself. And, others can see and do things for and about me that I cannot do on my own. So, it’s wise to surround oneself with wise people; they bring clarity and a reality test. But, everyone – even those who are not so wise - has something to teach me. And, no one can have too many friends.
25. Life is full of give and take. My world revolves around me. Your world revolves around you. So, if I want something from you, I better figure out what’s in it for you. Altruism is rare, if it exists at all. Want something? Figure out what can you give in trade. But, good living is not about a balance sheet. It requires giving as an investment that may or may not pay dividends latter on.
This list is a work in progress. Like me.
God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
Happy trails, Elinor
Sunday, November 27, 2011
A Lesson Learned From Brooke, Cat, Rabbit, and Fox.
My friend and colleague Brooke Deratany Goldfarb sent me this wonderful story. It was part of a short play in her daughter's theater class. But, Brooke saw the tale as a wonderful illustration of the potential fall out from a litigated divorce, with the loss of the cheese signifying the loss of dignity as well as personal possessions. You can read the whole story at http://www.afriendlydivorce.com/uncategorized/a-lesson-learned-from-brooke-cat-rabbit-and-fox/ Brooke has a law degree from Harvard but rather than use her degree in the traditional sense she has chosen to practice as a family mediator and collaborative lawyer in Indialantic, FL.
Thank you Brooke!!
Thank you Brooke!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
10 Tips For Getting Along With Your Family This Holiday Season
Millions of families won't be together this holiday season because of fights, feuds and old resentments. However, family estrangements, misunderstandings, and unmet expectations don't have to destroy the bonds that connect you to the ones you love. Here are my 10 tips for getting along with your relatives over the holidays.
1. Be a good guest. Respect your host's property and possessions. Clean up after yourself and your kids. Don't bring your pets unless they are specifically requested. Don't expect your host to monitor your children. Visiting your relatives should not signal a vacation from being a parent. Instead, watch your kids and make sure that they also respect property and possessions.
2. If you are the host whose property and possessions are not respected, ask for what you need. Its almost impossible to be both babysitter and chief cook and bottle washer at the same time. But, unless you ask for help and then allow others to provide it, the burden will fall on you and your resentment will grow. If you ask for help and it's not forthcoming let your guests know that this year the holidays were too much for you and next year you will be coming to them instead.
3. Avoid excessive drinking. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions and can leave your family open to a fiasco. When the others hit the bottle a little too hard that should be your signal to go home or go catch a movie.
4. If you really don't want to go - don't. However, do not wait until the last minute to cancel. Give your relatives time to make alternative plans.
5. Discuss the gift situation in advance and make plans so that everyone understands your position. Simplify gift giving by using cash or gift cards. Some families do only the kids, others pick one name from a hat, or maybe you will all buy your own gifts and do show and tell.
6. Under most family conflicts someone feels dismissed, discounted, disrespected, or disenfranchised. Avoid any action which will trigger these emotions. Make sure that you include everyone in the planning, preparation, and festivities. Try to be equal in your gift giving to avoid slighting anyone. If for some reason this is not appropriate or possible, do your giving at a time when you and the receiver will have complete privacy.
7. If you are carrying around a resentment, from the past, address it - in private - with the other person. If you are going to hold a difficult conversation with a family member remember to
* Prepare.
* Set the stage. Pick the right time for your difficult conversation, when you are both clear headed.
* Call a truce, this means coming to the table and staying there until there is some resolution.
* Speak from the heart. Do not point fingers of blame. Instead focus on finding a solution that works for both of you. This is collaboration. And, keep in mind that before the person on the other side can respond from the heart s/he will have to trust that there will be no negative judgements or attacks. Do whatever you can to make that clear.
* Listen, listen, listen. Listen as if you are an outside observer with no prior knowledge of the situation.
* Give yourselves time to think, process the information, and cool down.
* Define the emotions. Under almost every human conflict, someone feels dismissed, discounted, disenfranchised, or disrespected. These are the emotions that fuel the feud. Sometimes, just defining that emotion and realizing that both of us feel the same way is enough to resolve our dispute.
* Be willing to apologize. The closer the relationship the more likely you are to have stepped on each others' toes. If you cannot bring yourself to apologize for anything specific at least apologize for the distress that the other side has been living with and anything s/he believes you did to contribute to it.
* Don't leave conflicts unresolved. An agreement to disagree is resolution. Leaving the conflict open sets you up for future fights.
8. Assign a family mediator and even if s/he is a natural get him/her some additional dispute management training.
9. Lower your expectations - for everything - from expecting feelings of happiness and joy to cooking the perfect meal. Do not expect others to get it perfectly right either. Don't take it personally if someone fails to send you a card or gift this year.
10. Consult with a professional mediator if you feel you need an expert opinion or more personal assistance.
1. Be a good guest. Respect your host's property and possessions. Clean up after yourself and your kids. Don't bring your pets unless they are specifically requested. Don't expect your host to monitor your children. Visiting your relatives should not signal a vacation from being a parent. Instead, watch your kids and make sure that they also respect property and possessions.
2. If you are the host whose property and possessions are not respected, ask for what you need. Its almost impossible to be both babysitter and chief cook and bottle washer at the same time. But, unless you ask for help and then allow others to provide it, the burden will fall on you and your resentment will grow. If you ask for help and it's not forthcoming let your guests know that this year the holidays were too much for you and next year you will be coming to them instead.
3. Avoid excessive drinking. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions and can leave your family open to a fiasco. When the others hit the bottle a little too hard that should be your signal to go home or go catch a movie.
4. If you really don't want to go - don't. However, do not wait until the last minute to cancel. Give your relatives time to make alternative plans.
5. Discuss the gift situation in advance and make plans so that everyone understands your position. Simplify gift giving by using cash or gift cards. Some families do only the kids, others pick one name from a hat, or maybe you will all buy your own gifts and do show and tell.
6. Under most family conflicts someone feels dismissed, discounted, disrespected, or disenfranchised. Avoid any action which will trigger these emotions. Make sure that you include everyone in the planning, preparation, and festivities. Try to be equal in your gift giving to avoid slighting anyone. If for some reason this is not appropriate or possible, do your giving at a time when you and the receiver will have complete privacy.
7. If you are carrying around a resentment, from the past, address it - in private - with the other person. If you are going to hold a difficult conversation with a family member remember to
* Prepare.
* Set the stage. Pick the right time for your difficult conversation, when you are both clear headed.
* Call a truce, this means coming to the table and staying there until there is some resolution.
* Speak from the heart. Do not point fingers of blame. Instead focus on finding a solution that works for both of you. This is collaboration. And, keep in mind that before the person on the other side can respond from the heart s/he will have to trust that there will be no negative judgements or attacks. Do whatever you can to make that clear.
* Listen, listen, listen. Listen as if you are an outside observer with no prior knowledge of the situation.
* Give yourselves time to think, process the information, and cool down.
* Define the emotions. Under almost every human conflict, someone feels dismissed, discounted, disenfranchised, or disrespected. These are the emotions that fuel the feud. Sometimes, just defining that emotion and realizing that both of us feel the same way is enough to resolve our dispute.
* Be willing to apologize. The closer the relationship the more likely you are to have stepped on each others' toes. If you cannot bring yourself to apologize for anything specific at least apologize for the distress that the other side has been living with and anything s/he believes you did to contribute to it.
* Don't leave conflicts unresolved. An agreement to disagree is resolution. Leaving the conflict open sets you up for future fights.
8. Assign a family mediator and even if s/he is a natural get him/her some additional dispute management training.
9. Lower your expectations - for everything - from expecting feelings of happiness and joy to cooking the perfect meal. Do not expect others to get it perfectly right either. Don't take it personally if someone fails to send you a card or gift this year.
10. Consult with a professional mediator if you feel you need an expert opinion or more personal assistance.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
New Holiday Traditions
This post is a version of an email that I received from my friend Deb Heller who received it from Paul Rotmil. We do not know who the original author is but this is my rewritten version.
Happy Holidays!
As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods. But, this year can be different. This year Americans can give the gift of genuine concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. It's time to think outside the box. Here are 12 great American gift ideas. What else can you think of?
1. Hair cut. Everyone - yes EVERYONE - gets their hair cut. So give gift certificates to your local hair salon or barber.
2. Gym membership or personal training sessions. This is an appropriate gift for everyone who talks about improving their health.
3. Car detailing. Car detail shops and car washes love to sell gift certificates.
4. Home repairs. The local handyman can sell you his time. Or perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his/her lawn mowed or driveway sealed, plowed, or shoveled.
5. Golf green fees or tickets to sporting events, a play, movie, concert, or the ballet at your hometown theater. Want to make this a really special gift? Join the gift recipient.
6. Gift certificates to local restaurants. If the recipient isn't into fancy eateries, consider breakfast or coffee at the local diner or breakfast joint. Think about side-stepping the big national chains and showing support for your home town restauranteur whose financial life is on the line.
7. Oil change for the car, truck or motorcycle. Remember the shop run by your working neighbor.
8. Cleaning lady or home organizer for the day. I could really use this.
9. Computer tune-up. Or give your over-50 gift recipients a lesson on their computer or smart phone.
10. Local artists and crafts people knit, crochet, make jewelry, spin pottery, and create art in all forms. Shop local art fairs and take a look at Etsy.com.
11. Your time - which is your most valuable resource. Share your time with a friend or relative. You can spend your time together serving the community in a soup kitchen, or by visiting a children's hospital or nursing home.
12. Craigslist and neighborhood garage sale items. It is better to recycle the stuff that is in our garages than it is to put it into landfills.
This year, plan your holiday outings at local, owner-operated restaurants that showcase local bands. And leave your server a nice big tip. And, speaking of tips - if you give the mailman, trash guy, or babysitter a cash gift also make a request that they spend that money in the local economy and not on goods made in a foreign country.
We are ready for a revolution of caring about each other. Christmas should no longer be about buying more crap from China. You already have enough junk in your garage. Instead, this year, focus on caring about your neighbor and encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away. When we care about our neighbors and our communities the benefits come back to us in magical ways. THIS should be the new American Christmas tradition.
Please feel free to copy this post, mail it to everyone on your mailing list, post it to a discussion group or on Craigslist, or send it to the editor of your local newspaper, radio station, and TV news department.
Happy Holidays!
As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods. But, this year can be different. This year Americans can give the gift of genuine concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. It's time to think outside the box. Here are 12 great American gift ideas. What else can you think of?
1. Hair cut. Everyone - yes EVERYONE - gets their hair cut. So give gift certificates to your local hair salon or barber.
2. Gym membership or personal training sessions. This is an appropriate gift for everyone who talks about improving their health.
3. Car detailing. Car detail shops and car washes love to sell gift certificates.
4. Home repairs. The local handyman can sell you his time. Or perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his/her lawn mowed or driveway sealed, plowed, or shoveled.
5. Golf green fees or tickets to sporting events, a play, movie, concert, or the ballet at your hometown theater. Want to make this a really special gift? Join the gift recipient.
6. Gift certificates to local restaurants. If the recipient isn't into fancy eateries, consider breakfast or coffee at the local diner or breakfast joint. Think about side-stepping the big national chains and showing support for your home town restauranteur whose financial life is on the line.
7. Oil change for the car, truck or motorcycle. Remember the shop run by your working neighbor.
8. Cleaning lady or home organizer for the day. I could really use this.
9. Computer tune-up. Or give your over-50 gift recipients a lesson on their computer or smart phone.
10. Local artists and crafts people knit, crochet, make jewelry, spin pottery, and create art in all forms. Shop local art fairs and take a look at Etsy.com.
11. Your time - which is your most valuable resource. Share your time with a friend or relative. You can spend your time together serving the community in a soup kitchen, or by visiting a children's hospital or nursing home.
12. Craigslist and neighborhood garage sale items. It is better to recycle the stuff that is in our garages than it is to put it into landfills.
This year, plan your holiday outings at local, owner-operated restaurants that showcase local bands. And leave your server a nice big tip. And, speaking of tips - if you give the mailman, trash guy, or babysitter a cash gift also make a request that they spend that money in the local economy and not on goods made in a foreign country.
We are ready for a revolution of caring about each other. Christmas should no longer be about buying more crap from China. You already have enough junk in your garage. Instead, this year, focus on caring about your neighbor and encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away. When we care about our neighbors and our communities the benefits come back to us in magical ways. THIS should be the new American Christmas tradition.
Please feel free to copy this post, mail it to everyone on your mailing list, post it to a discussion group or on Craigslist, or send it to the editor of your local newspaper, radio station, and TV news department.
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