The Best Way To Get Over A Break-up

Q. What's the best way to get over a break-up?

I have Action and Attitude Strategies. Here they are:

Action Strategies

1. Create a concrete plan of action. List your personal resources and how you will use those resources during the next month, six months, and year ahead.

2. The key to healing from a break-up is having a strong support system. Create your support system by inviting quality people to join in your inner circle. This support system should include family members, old friends, and new friends. Find other singles that share a common interest - even if you have to organize an event or special project yourself. Connect with your neighbors and members of your community. Start or join a support group or meet-up. Make time for sharing breakfast, a movie, or a potluck meal. Some time to yourself is fine but it is critical that you avoid isolation and feeling alone.

3. Become an activist. Make a difference. Get involved with a cause that is bigger than your personal problems.

4. Meditate and breathe. When we are anxious we tend to hold our breath. Using a breathing meditation allows us to take in more oxygen. And, more oxygen allows us to think more clearly.

5. Explore local resources. Act like a tourist, but the goal is to become an expert on what your city has to offer. Find free or inexpensive activities in your community. Take a walk. Visit the park, beach, museum, and public library.

6. If finances are tight, find more creative ways to access the goods and services you need. Barter. Recycle. Negotiate. Create.

7. Clean-out the clutter and get rid of unnecessary reminders of your Ex. When your physical space is disorganized it produces a negative reflection. When you clean up your house you are honoring your home - the temple of your soul. Getting rid of "stuff" is one way to make room for the new person.

8. Live within your means and clean-up your credit. Enlist professional assistance or the aid of a friend who knows how to create a budget.

9. Adopt. Rescue a pet from a shelter and receive unconditional love and companionship in return.

Attitude Strategies

1. Start the morning with a positive affirmation.

2. Make a gratitude list and focus on the ways that the glass of your life is half (or more) full. Concentrate on the good - the things that give you joy in life.

3. Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Create new celebratory rituals to enjoy this year and in the years to come.

4. Avoid comparing your insides to someone else's outsides. When you think of yourself as the victim you further feed the negative emotions. Each life has high and low points. Almost everyone experiences a rejection, break-up, or divorce in his/her adult life and for most its a low point. So when you look around and everyone else seems happy remember that you are not the only one who has had to live through this experience.

5. See your break-up as an opportunity to shift gears. Don't dwell on your losses; mourn them, and let them go.

6. Accept those around you as they are. Focus instead on what can be changed in you and your attitudes.

7. When you are down, remind yourself that next year will be different, next year YOU will be different, and everything is temporary.

8. Use this time of transition as a time of assessment. Figure out what mistakes you made in the relationship and how you will avoid these mistakes in the future. A therapist or support group can help in this endeavor.

9. Call a truce with your Ex. Especially if you have children, let him/her know that you want to find solutions that work for both of you. It's hard to argue with someone who says "I want to find solutions that work for you and for me."

10. Give yourself time. Don't rush into the next relationship because you are lonely or feel rejected. The longer you wait the better your chances of success. It's OK to look (be a shopper) but don't buy too fast.