Friday, June 10, 2011
Intro Redux
I am a mediator and mediation trainer based in Florida. As part of Mediation Training Group I teach Florida Supreme Court Certified Civil and Family mediation training programs and Continuing Mediator Education. My own mediation practice is focused on ProSe/PreSuit divorce. (Cases where the divorcing couple goes through the process without retaining attorneys. They may consult with attorneys but they do not hire attorneys.) I am now teaching other mediators our unique marketing and practice methods. If you want to launch or expand your own divorce mediation practice within this emerging market niche take a look at www.FriendlyDivorceTraining.com. This training program is available in streaming video format at Mediate.com. Let me know if you have any questions.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Email Communique
Greetings!
Sometimes it seems to me that the world is changing so fast it's impossible to keep up with the pace. Ten years ago there was no social media. Today, technology allows each of us to create a global network. But, for those of us who are immigrants in the digital world, it's often a stretch to stay current. The following was my most recent attempt at staying connected with the 5000 people - most of them former mediation students - that are on my email list.
The Evolution of Divorce
I believe the family law arena is ripe for a revolution. Ten years from now lawyer-driven divorces will be the exception not the rule. Financial shifts and technological advances have sped up the evolutionary process. There is a need for professionals who are able to usher couples through the divorce process using a more humane approach. So, in addition to my work with Susan and Mediation Training Group, I have put together a new training program for professionals who want to launch their practices into the ProSe/PreSuit market and serve couples who want to divorce without retaining attorneys.
Friendly Divorce Mediation Training
If you (or someone you know) is ready to take your career in a different direction and interested in offering a unique service to families in transition then visit Friendly Divorce Training We are offering 16-hour training programs in
Boca Raton on July 8-10, 2011
Las Vegas on Sept 2-4, 2011 and,
Atlanta on Dec 2-4, 2011
This is a rare opportunity for professionals who want to launch ProSe/PreSuit divorce mediation practices. David and I will share everything we have learned about this emerging market and give you the foundation you need to build your own business. The program is approved for 15.50 hours of CLER by the Florida Bar and will also provide 16 hours of CME for Mediators.
Random Thoughts
I am interested in any feedback you have on this blog. And, I am especially curious about your thoughts on these three topics:
The reality of aging. Sadly, a Betty White old age may not be an option for most of us. What can we do now to better prepare for the future?
The state of the union. During one of my recent rants, a friend of mine - a historian - commented that "the more things change, the more they stay the same - after all, the early settlers were a mix of gluttonous pillagers and exploited religious extremists." What can each of us do today to be part of the force that moves the country in a better direction?
The immigration debate. No matter what your opinion on the immigration debate I think we can all agree that we need some form of immigration reform. I believe that the mediation process just might be a key component to finding a plan that works for all of us. What do you think?
Sometimes it seems to me that the world is changing so fast it's impossible to keep up with the pace. Ten years ago there was no social media. Today, technology allows each of us to create a global network. But, for those of us who are immigrants in the digital world, it's often a stretch to stay current. The following was my most recent attempt at staying connected with the 5000 people - most of them former mediation students - that are on my email list.
The Evolution of Divorce
I believe the family law arena is ripe for a revolution. Ten years from now lawyer-driven divorces will be the exception not the rule. Financial shifts and technological advances have sped up the evolutionary process. There is a need for professionals who are able to usher couples through the divorce process using a more humane approach. So, in addition to my work with Susan and Mediation Training Group, I have put together a new training program for professionals who want to launch their practices into the ProSe/PreSuit market and serve couples who want to divorce without retaining attorneys.
Friendly Divorce Mediation Training
If you (or someone you know) is ready to take your career in a different direction and interested in offering a unique service to families in transition then visit Friendly Divorce Training We are offering 16-hour training programs in
Boca Raton on July 8-10, 2011
Las Vegas on Sept 2-4, 2011 and,
Atlanta on Dec 2-4, 2011
This is a rare opportunity for professionals who want to launch ProSe/PreSuit divorce mediation practices. David and I will share everything we have learned about this emerging market and give you the foundation you need to build your own business. The program is approved for 15.50 hours of CLER by the Florida Bar and will also provide 16 hours of CME for Mediators.
Random Thoughts
I am interested in any feedback you have on this blog. And, I am especially curious about your thoughts on these three topics:
The reality of aging. Sadly, a Betty White old age may not be an option for most of us. What can we do now to better prepare for the future?
The state of the union. During one of my recent rants, a friend of mine - a historian - commented that "the more things change, the more they stay the same - after all, the early settlers were a mix of gluttonous pillagers and exploited religious extremists." What can each of us do today to be part of the force that moves the country in a better direction?
The immigration debate. No matter what your opinion on the immigration debate I think we can all agree that we need some form of immigration reform. I believe that the mediation process just might be a key component to finding a plan that works for all of us. What do you think?
Reigniting
Holy Moley. Its exactly one year - to the day, since I last blogged on this site. Life is hectic and moves fast. I know that a lot has changed since last year but I cannot list those changes off the top of my head - they just whirl by. Today David told me he's noticed that I spend a lot of time responding to emails. He is correct. And, with time moving so fast and so much to do it seems a waste to spend that kind of time without reaching the largest audience. So this blog is being reignited and will be used for recording writings that would otherwise be lost. Here goes. Find a conversation I had with a local lawyer about the differences between Collaborative Law and our Friendly Divorce process at http://www.afriendlydivorce.com/uncategorized/one-size-fits-all-divorce/
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Changes To FL Almony & Child Support Statutes
Significant upcoming changes to the Florida statutes regarding alimony and child support.
http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Documents/loaddoc.aspx?FileName=_h0907er.docx&DocumentType=Bill&BillNumber=0907&Session=2010
http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Documents/loaddoc.aspx?FileName=_h0907er.docx&DocumentType=Bill&BillNumber=0907&Session=2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Family Estrangement
As a family mediator the topic of family estrangement has been an area of special interest for me for many years. If you are facing a family estrangement here are the five things you should know:
1. When the estrangement is between a parent and an adult child, unless the child sees it otherwise, the parent must take responsibility and be willing to apologize for perceived or real hurts.
2. When a family member chooses estrangement they are giving a loud message that something is not right. This is their way of communicating that they feel dismissed, discounted, or disrespected. If you don't know why a family member has cut off contact it is likely related to something done or said which triggered a feeling of dismissed, discounted, or disrespected.
3. A cooling-off period is often critical before any dialogue can begin. Be patient, and keep the lines of communication open. Even if the person on the other side wont talk you can still keep the channels open by sending periodic messages of support. Keep the message simple - "I will always love you and I will be there whenever you are ready." Avoid reacting negatively if the person on the other side needs more time.
4. Apologies have magical and cleansing properties. Think the apology through before you start or you may end up in the wrong place. http://elinorrobin.com/apologies-magical-cleansing-healing-and-the-time-is-now/
5. Follow my 10-step plan for ending feuds and rebuilding connections. http://ezinearticles.com/?The-10-Step-Plan-For-Ending-Feuds-and-Fights-and-Re-Building-Connection&id=3468153.
1. When the estrangement is between a parent and an adult child, unless the child sees it otherwise, the parent must take responsibility and be willing to apologize for perceived or real hurts.
2. When a family member chooses estrangement they are giving a loud message that something is not right. This is their way of communicating that they feel dismissed, discounted, or disrespected. If you don't know why a family member has cut off contact it is likely related to something done or said which triggered a feeling of dismissed, discounted, or disrespected.
3. A cooling-off period is often critical before any dialogue can begin. Be patient, and keep the lines of communication open. Even if the person on the other side wont talk you can still keep the channels open by sending periodic messages of support. Keep the message simple - "I will always love you and I will be there whenever you are ready." Avoid reacting negatively if the person on the other side needs more time.
4. Apologies have magical and cleansing properties. Think the apology through before you start or you may end up in the wrong place. http://elinorrobin.com/apologies-magical-cleansing-healing-and-the-time-is-now/
5. Follow my 10-step plan for ending feuds and rebuilding connections. http://ezinearticles.com/?The-10-Step-Plan-For-Ending-Feuds-and-Fights-and-Re-Building-Connection&id=3468153.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Often - With Time - The Worst Thing Is Also The Best Thing
The worst thing about divorce is it forces us to look at ourselves and our lives. The best thing about divorce is it forces us to look at ourselves and our lives. Read what else I have to say at http://www.afriendlydivorce.com/uncategorized/alimony-question/
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Affairs
This post is a work in progress. Stay tuned.
Affairs almost always serve a purpose. An affair can be a wake-up call, a death knell, a cry for help, a way-out, an affirmation, a pain-reliever, a temporary escape from reality, a plan for avoiding divorce, or a way to get one's needs met. (And, I mean emotional, not physical, needs - because affairs are not really about the sex.) Affairs do not happen in healthy marriages, they happen in sick marriages - especially when one or both partners do not want to face the sickness or the dysfunction of their marriage. (Facing the sickness involves both acknowledging it and working to heal it.)
Each affair is different. But, there are some patterns or themes common to most affairs. These similarities have enabled researchers to identify xx types of affairs, with different motivators.
"The Grass Is Greener" (also known as "The Facebook Affair"). This affair happens when someone in a lack luster marriage finds an old (or new) flame, gets excited, has illusions of a lost soul mate, and wants to try it out. The couple meets, has a magnificent weekend, complete with high excitement sex, and decides to take things to the next level. Eventually the high wears off and so a significant percentage of these affairs do not work out. Often the straying spouse comes back and asks for a re-do. A couple can then turn this affair around and work on their marriage; go back to the status quo, with increased trust issues; or walk away – sometimes the dumped spouse becomes the dumper who says "I wont take you back." This affair does give people the chance to see what their lives would look like without their marriage and helps them decide which way they want to go.
The Married Man. The married man affair is complex triangle that revolves around a married man who has done the "right" thing, put others first, and secretly feels that he has sacrificed his own happiness. So, he finds a single woman who thinks he is wonderful (frequently, she is a woman who has never been married) and together they engage in a serious, long-term, and passionate affair. The mistress learns the intimate details of his marriage and waits semi-patiently for her turn. But, typically, these men do not leave as leaving would not be "right" AND the affair gives the married man the best of both worlds. These affairs end when/if the mistress becomes resentful.
Affairs almost always serve a purpose. An affair can be a wake-up call, a death knell, a cry for help, a way-out, an affirmation, a pain-reliever, a temporary escape from reality, a plan for avoiding divorce, or a way to get one's needs met. (And, I mean emotional, not physical, needs - because affairs are not really about the sex.) Affairs do not happen in healthy marriages, they happen in sick marriages - especially when one or both partners do not want to face the sickness or the dysfunction of their marriage. (Facing the sickness involves both acknowledging it and working to heal it.)
Each affair is different. But, there are some patterns or themes common to most affairs. These similarities have enabled researchers to identify xx types of affairs, with different motivators.
"The Grass Is Greener" (also known as "The Facebook Affair"). This affair happens when someone in a lack luster marriage finds an old (or new) flame, gets excited, has illusions of a lost soul mate, and wants to try it out. The couple meets, has a magnificent weekend, complete with high excitement sex, and decides to take things to the next level. Eventually the high wears off and so a significant percentage of these affairs do not work out. Often the straying spouse comes back and asks for a re-do. A couple can then turn this affair around and work on their marriage; go back to the status quo, with increased trust issues; or walk away – sometimes the dumped spouse becomes the dumper who says "I wont take you back." This affair does give people the chance to see what their lives would look like without their marriage and helps them decide which way they want to go.
The Married Man. The married man affair is complex triangle that revolves around a married man who has done the "right" thing, put others first, and secretly feels that he has sacrificed his own happiness. So, he finds a single woman who thinks he is wonderful (frequently, she is a woman who has never been married) and together they engage in a serious, long-term, and passionate affair. The mistress learns the intimate details of his marriage and waits semi-patiently for her turn. But, typically, these men do not leave as leaving would not be "right" AND the affair gives the married man the best of both worlds. These affairs end when/if the mistress becomes resentful.
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